Saturday, January 29, 2011

I lost my SANITY for three days... but....

Thank goodness my sanity has returned. It all began with a BLOWOUT with my cell phone company who shall remain nameless. The BLOWOUT began on Tuesday... and was followed by a 3 day meltdown on my part. Apologies go out to all family members, friends, colleagues, and even people I do not know for listening to my rants, mad ravings and unintelligible mutterings about the atrocities which had taken place. My story is as follows....

The date was December 23, and I decided it was time to update my cellphone from my 2007 flip phone to a new device which would include Internet capability. I was trembling with excitement, frothing at the mouth, and overjoyed with ecstasy as I looked over the wide selection of phones available to me at the cell phone store. I was immediately drawn to the 'PRETTY PINK' (oh so girly) Blackberry 3G curve. My daughter, who was with me kept saying, "MOM, Blackberry's STINK". But did I care? NO! My overriding thoughts and logic were that the phone was pink, AND most importantly, it had Internet capability. So, within minutes I was the proud owner of a Blackberry with Facebook downloaded in another 5 minutes. (Did I mention I was excited about Internet access?)

Oh, I felt like a kid at Christmas! I was reading Facebook updates in the store, the mall, the restaurant. I was a VERY happy camper until Christmas day when suddenly, my updates stopped. Thank goodness the cell phone workers were working on Christmas Day, because "I" had a problem that needed an immediate fix. And within minutes it was fixed and working - UNTIL the next day. WELL, after 5 phone calls to the company, I finally happened on a friendly little salesman, named "SNERDLY". (I am calling him Snerdly to protect his identity and because Snerdly is a name which fits his repulsive behaviour to a "T" as you will see by reading on!
Snerdly was overly sympathetic toward me and my Blackberry issues, assuring me that MANY other consumers had experienced the same Facebook issues, and that they were ALL switching to the DROID X. Snerdly painted a vivid picture of the Droid X's outstanding features so much so, that I heard harps playing and angels singing. Within 5 minutes, he had convinced me that, 'YES, I DID' want to update to the Droid X', and with a glazed look and the feeling of a hypnotic state, I walked slowly to my purse pulled out my bank card and charged in excess of $300.00 for a DROID X! Interestingly enough, it was at this very moment, Snerdly noticed that on this VERY day we were speaking, it was the LAST DAY in my 30 day period to return my Blackberry, or I would be stuck with it. That was a slap of reality, and suddenly everything snapped back in focus. It was Sunday, it was 4:30 p.m., there were BIG football games I was tuning into. Return a phone that day? NOT a chance! So with Snerdly's reassurance, we would cancel the order and he promised that he would call me back the next day to see if I had been able to return the blackberry. "Please hold while I have my manager cancel this order", said Snerdly, and I kindly acquiesced. After a 5 minute hold, Snerdly assured me that my order had indeed been cancelled. Just to be safe, I asked the all important question: "Are you SURE this will not come out of my bank account?" and he responded, "I can assure you of that!". Relief ensued and I promptly ditched my football game, ran to the cell phone store, returned my Blackberry and with a gleam and the promise of a phone that would work, I IMMEDIATELY purchased a Droid. Snerdly wouldn't care. Surely he would be understanding, since he had just painted an incredible picture of the Droid and he would KNOW the immediate gratification I would have by purchasing the Droid right then and there!
My peace came to an end on Tuesday when I casually looked at my bank account and... BLOWOUT! Snerdly had fibbed, and there was $300.00 plus dollars gone from my account. All I could picture was Snerdly rubbing his hands together, sneering, and patting himself on the back for his 'wiley salesmanship' and his impending commission. It was at that moment that the meltdown began. I promptly called the cell phone company to plead my case. Would they help me, would they refund my money, would they make things right? OF COURSE NOT- THIS IS A CELL PHONE COMPANY. In a state of panic, I called my bank. Could they help, NO the charge had already gone through. To make a long story short for 3 days there was a cell phone battle of Olympic proportions! My calls to the company started out politely enough, but on day 2 they became less nice, and by day 3, the 'wrath of Patti' was falling from the skies above onto the cell phone company below... all to NO avail. Raging, Ranting, Lunacy, and Threats of bodily harm to everyone working at the cell phone company did nothing to help my case. Finally, on the third day, I called my bank. They were kind, courteous, consoling, and finally I found someone who would listen and take my side. I found JUSTICE. With my fist in the air, and a grimace on my face, and my best Scarlett O'Hara imitation, I proclaimed, "I shall NEVER deal with this cell phone company again"!
But, now that justice had been served, my bank account saved from insufficient fund fees, and the possibility of no food in the house till payday no longer a threat, I started using my Droid, and, I LOVE IT. It takes fabulous photos, which I can download to my Facebook. I am getting Facebook updates wherever I go, my family and friends can rest assured that I am still alive as I respond to their statuses and post my own. Joy and rapture, peace, tranquility and SANITY have all been restored! This is, as Martha Stewart would say, "A GOOD THING"

But, Mr. Snerdly, BEWARE, I have your number, I have your email. Don't mess with me again. One more slip and I will have NO CHOICE but to have you pry my Droid from my hands, and move on to a new company, who do not have an employee by the name of "SNERDLY"!

Till that day, I will continue to check my status, get my updates, respond to my friends, post my silly comments, and download all of the pictures I take. I was very close to saying "Oh, this is the biggest heart attack I ever had. You hear that Elizabeth? I'm coming to join you honey. " (thank you Fred Sanford for your hysterical comedic drama), But the moment has passed and I am excited I was not pushed over the brink to the CRAZY side! Now off to check my Droid!

Living, Laughing and LOVING my Droid,